Better Late Than Never, I Suppose….

Welcome to 2011! It has been sometime since I have written so I thought I better take some time out today to finally do it. The New Year is off to a great start, I think. I am as busy as ever but thankful to have things going on. I have heard it said, to realize your goals, you have to have a plan and that plan must be written so that is what I shall focus on in this installment.

A New Year….. A New Me!

I am not sure if it is the New Year or the reality that I am about to turn 30 but I really want to make sure that this year is a year of new beginnings for me. Specifically, I want to prove to myself once and for all that I can get healthy and stay healthy. This has been my New Year’s resolution time and time again but I am beginning to realize that the older I get, the more important it is. So, this year, I want to:

• Lose Weight: I want to lose weight for a number of reasons. Mostly, because I am vain and I want to look good. Ha! But I also want to get down to a healthy weight so that I feel better. I do not like dieting and I certainly do not like exercising but I am no longer going to look at it in terms of that, I am going to look at it in terms of a better me. In the past, when I have given into temptation, I just throw caution to the wind but now know that a stumble just means I will have to get back up and do it all over again.

• Lower Blood Pressure: Shortly after starting law school, I was put on blood pressure medication. I never really knew what high blood pressure meant but now know that it puts pressure on your artery walls and causes plaque buildup in one’s arteries which can lead to heart disease, kidney failure, etc. Since heart failure and cancer run in my family, I can not afford to be the cause for increased chances of disease when I can do something about it. The goal for the New Year is to lower the blood pressure and get off of the medication.

• Exercise: This may go hand in hand with losing weight and lowering blood pressure but it goes beyond that. I want to have more energy. I want to not get winded from tying my shoes. I want to be able to go up a flight of stairs without almost dying on the way up or down. Since I work from home now, a sedentary lifestyle is an understatement. I sit when I work, I sit when I go to class, I sit when I want to relax, I sit when I want to read…. Just too much damn sitting and not enough moving so I need to pick up the pace!

I welcome the encouragement and motivation to make it happen! Here is to our best year yet...

Been A While....

In corresponding with my friend, Chrissy, she led me to her blog. In reading through it, I realized that I had a blog that I have not updated in over a year. So, I think I need to do a better job of keeping up.

My life has changed so much over the last year. I moved from Atlanta to Nashville for law school. I am still working for the same law firm but working virtually. I am in a great relationship. Basically, I am exactly where I want to be in life at this moment. It is amazing how life changes and takes you in various directions.

Anyway, just a quick note and I promise to write more often so everyone can keep updated!

Fear

Creative Writing Class Rough Draft- Fear

I can't recall the day I met IT but I have vivid memories of where it came from. I would not call IT a friend but rather and intruder who has stalked me my entire life.

I remember hearing my mother take the beatings. The sounds of her boyfriend's fist hitting her. My mother's loud cries echoed down the hall as my bother and I stood by helplessly. Household goods, family dreams, my mother's body- all shattered. I wondered why she would stay? Was this the way love was? Did love have to hurt?

Eventually my mother left him and we moved on with our lives. IT, however, the intruder, remains with me and I am sure my mother as well to this day. IT has no face but seems to be there like an old trusty friend. I call IT fear.

I live for the day fear and I have no relationship. For then I will truly know what it is like to be free.

Marianne Williamson Quote

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Sweet Georgia Sunshine....

What a long stressful weekend! I had to take an hour out of my weekend to take a little time for me. Between finals and final papers and work stuff, it has been overwhelming but I am finally seeing the end in sight.

I am little stressed out because it turns out I have 2 classes left as well as a final capstone course. What sucks is the classes I want to take are being offered in the summer and the capstone which is the final class is now not being offered until the following semester. Ugh. I so want to be done already. Hopefully a miracle will come along because I have no idea how I am going to pay for summer classes.

In other news, when I did step away from the computer a bit ago, I went outside and did what I have been meaning to do for a year now, I planted my herb garden and other plants and flowers, cleaned off the porch and created a garden on the porch. Then I sealed it with a prayer because I am not sure about my green thumb.

YAY for productivity! Off to finish my paper.

Story of Your Bones

Today, I woke up singing this song:


It's been two long months since I took a good look in the mirror
And in that time I find these lines on my face have gotten clearer
It's time I reintroduced myself to the world
Show them what I'm all about
Even if it's just so they can chew me up, turn their heads, and spit me out.

These bones in my face are from my mother
These lips I use are from my father
And the nose that rests above them is from another man
Somewhere who didn't even bother
I wonder what would he say
If he knew I got up here and rambled on this way
Would he then be proud and make it known
That he was part of me and I was one of his own

It's been five long weeks since I've been able to kiss your face
And that always makes me question if this bullshit is worth it in the first place
'Cause I have to know the story of your bones
And I long to rove the map of your skin
And I'm tired of us both feeling loved yet aloneI want to feel where you've hurt

I want to taste where you've been
But what will they say
Will they still come and hear me when they know I love you this way
As I read you with my mouth and my finger tips

Like berries you color my hands, like wine you stain lips

It's been two long months since I took a good look in the mirror.

Speaking of Change

I have been doing so well with this dieting and exercise thing. I suppose there is something to be said about reaching a breaking point and then going all out to make it happen.

Yesterday, treadmill and then palates.

This morning, up at 5:15 a.m. to make it to the gym for a strengthening class at 6 a.m. Got a full hour of workout in before work.

Tonight, the pool and hot tub to relax.

One step at a time.

It is not about perfection.

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” Anna Quindlen

Onward I go…….